After my stroke in 2005 (and lots and lots and lots of doctor's appointments that didn't include a lot of answers for my residual pain), I was finally prescribed yoga by a physician. She created a plan for me for recovery. She sent me to a knowledgeable local instructor and said "go for it!" I showed up to my private lesson the first time wearing sandals I refused to take off. I informed my instructor she couldn't make me take off my shoes because my feet hurt when I was barefoot. I wore shoes on my sticky mat (not really the point). I told her I was going to try to follow the plan before me but I wasn't so sure it would work. I was skeptical and I was afraid. I did not trust my body. After all, it had failed me a lot in those years. I wasn't fully invested in this yoga plan. I didn't have a clue this prescription would change my life. Fast forward almost two years and here is part of a testimony I wrote for my first instructor: Yoga has literally changed my life! At the age of 31, I had a stroke that took me and my family by surprise and left me struggling to control the left side of my body. I had followed a diet and exercise program for several years prior to the unexplainable stroke and was in decent shape. After just a few weeks in the hospital and rehabilitation, I was released and sent home with a wonderful physical and occupational therapist. My doctors said I was very fortunate to recover the use of my left side so quickly. And, although I made great progress both physically and mentally, a year after the stroke, I still struggled with residual pain. After working with a variety of medical professionals, it was suggested I give yoga a try. At first, I was very hesitant and quite nervous about my body being able keep up. But, after just a month of classes, I noticed a drastic decrease in my pain. Today, (two years after my stroke) I can't go a week without yoga class or I notice signs of stiffness and the start of my pain returning in my leg and hip... Yes, my yoga journey began slow and unsteady. The original goal was to literally get on my feet again. It worked. After practicing for two years, I craved my "weekly" class. Today, I crave my daily yoga fix. Here is part of what I have learned, our bodies have an amazing power to heal. BUT, we have to give them the space (physically and mentally) for the process to work. The physical and mental aspects of a regular yoga and Christian meditation practice changed my life. They were the first baby steps I took toward authentic healing and wholeness on this journey. Today, I'm a barefoot yogi. I'm not nearly as far along in my practice as I hope to someday be. No, I have not mastered the headstands and intimidating balancing poses. Heck, some days I can barely touch my toes. But, I no longer (at least most of the time) tell myself new things are impossible. The difference is, I have taken off my sandals. I'm letting go of the fear. I am letting go of the "I CAN'T" mentality I once brought to my mat. This yogi is practicing barefoot and enjoying the journey as it unfolds. Yoga really can be for every BODY. Healing really is available for EVERY body. Even if you refuse to take off your shoes to start. Just never refuse to open your heart and mind (on or off the mat). The hours tick slowly between the time the doctor removes the “mysterious” mass from your body and the results return. Then, if you are fortunate enough to get “good” results from the kind doctor or nurse there is plenty more to process. With a giant smile on his/her face you may hear they got it all and you are all clear. And, if they are the praying type they may even toss in a “Praise the Lord” at the end (especially here in the South). You should be jumping up and down from the good news but instead you may feel more empty and confused. Each of us are on a journey to health and wholeness in this life, we are all in some mode of recovery. Those of us who are recovering from physically life-threatening situations often hear words like "Praise the Lord" and instead of feeling comfort, we are left feeling alone, especially when you expect us to be celebrating the outcome of the biopsy or test. We are considered healthy again, right? It is as simple as that added “Praise the Lord.” Trust me, survivors want to praise the Lord. We do. But, there is something about having growing tumors or cancerous cells taken from you that requires a time of mourning as well. If you've heard my story, you know I’m a survivor of melanoma skin cancer, brain surgery, and stroke (among a few other autoimmune disorders and losses that my body has had to process over my relatively short 38 years). Recently, I had what was considered minor surgery to remove a small benign mass growing in my chin. At first, we thought it may have been an extra tooth and that seemed somewhat okay but after experiencing some pretty invasive oral surgery I was told we don't really know what it was or why it was growing inside my body. The words benign came from the surgeon and then the “Praise the Lords" started flowing in from those who care about me and my health. This experience reminded me of all the “Praise the Lords” that flowed freely after my brain surgery. Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful “whatever it was” is gone but if that's your only response, I don't think you've had anything foreign removed from your body. Please don’t be offended if these are the first words that come out of your mouth when someone announces their cancer or biopsy was benign (I’ve said it myself). In the future, just consider following it up with a “how are you?” Here is why… Many years later, I now understand I am not the only one who has experienced the “Praise the Lord...leaves me feeling empty” syndrome. It's pretty common. I’ve journeyed with patients who are struggling to find emotional freedom in the “good news” and it is true for many of us. A best friend confided in me that those words are hard to process. This is one of those friends who showed up on my doorstep to feed my family, drive me to the store, and do chores around my house during one of my toughest times of my recovery. She recently faced her own life-threatening health challenge (so while she has seen me raw and real, she personally gets it now too because, unfortunately, she recently joined the club as a melanoma survivor). This week she told me about hearing the "Praise The Lord" response after her lymph nodes were removed and given the all-clear. It may sound sacrilegious, but hearing “Praise The Lord” is not what you want to hear when you've been cut on and dug in so recently. What you want to also hear is what the HECK Lord (and that is being kind). What you want to scream is, what was growing in my body and why? When did it pop up and how long had it been there? Will it come back? What if I hadn't taken care of it? Now what do I do about this scar that everyone is asking about and I just want to forget? And, what do I do without lymph nodes? Do I see a therapist to process this all (by the way, the answer to that one is most likely yes). Am I horrible because the last thing I want to do is “Praise The Lord?” Will I ever forget this? And the answer to the last question is no. No, you will never forget this experience because it's part of you now. Your recovery may seem like it is tearing you apart but really it is making you whole again. And, praising the Lord may seem like the only appropriate response for those who don't live with the side effects of whatever you've gone through. But, thanking the Lord for another day on this earth may be a great place to start. Thanking the Lord for an opportunity to hear the birds sing, watch the water flow, and see the little ones grow, that is why we praise the Lord. Here is my point - it's perfectly okay to know and understand that your life will never be the same after health crisis. Your life will be forever changed by the scar, or the side effects, or the limp, or the pain that no one else can feel or maybe even see. The memories and fears that no one else will have experienced may not be understood by another earthly being but the comfort is that they are understood by your God. Your Creator has been with you every step of the way. This is your journey. So, while we may cringe when we are encouraged to show praise, we can start with a tiny show of our thanks the Lord. It's a great place to start. For every survivor who lives through cancer, stroke, or brain surgery. For every survivor who faces chronic pain or debilitating disease. For every survivor, this reminder to “Praise the Lord” by those well-meaning encouragers is not meant to take away from your healing experience it is meant to add hope to it by encouraging us to "Thank the Lord." So, how are you? Encouraging verses for physical healing and recovery: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33 NIV "We even take pride in our problems, because we know that trouble produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope. This hope doesn’t put us to shame, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." - Romans 5:3-5 CEB When You Struggle to "Praise The Lord” is Part 1 in a series for those exploring peace during physical recovery. Part 2: What To Do (when someone you know faces health crisis) coming soon. My role at Gallatin CARES Worship Center is very humbling. I am program coordinator for Spiritual Formation. Basically, I plan and create opportunities for the "members" of our mission congregation to receive spiritual care, love and learning. I also invite others into the doors of our "church" to give back and in turn receive as well. I get to love on God's people and sweep floors too. My job might be to help others but each and every day at CARES is a lesson for me and an opportunity to see God at work. God shows up. It humbles me to go to work every single time I unlock the doors. God never ceases to amaze me. I've been told I'm fortunate to have such a great place to give back. But, as I think about it, it seems God is giving to me much more than I could ever give to the Creator's people. And, I am figuring out God has to make things really obvious for me. God gives me BIG examples at Gallatin CARES to remind me of God's activity and that makes me never want to miss a moment of our Creator's amazing presence in that place. God shows up at CARES and I'm not the only one who has noticed it. This was told to me early on by a friend who used to attend a large congregation down the road from our little mission church but now regularly attends CARES Worship. When I asked him if he attended both churches, he replied no and confidently explained. He said, "I"m certain that when Jesus returns, he'll come to Gallatin CARES before he would visit my previous congregation and so this (CARES) is where I want to be too." Jesus may not have physically walked through the doors just yet, but God shows up every time those doors are open! There was the time that Jane, our pastor, and I were arranging chairs on a Tuesday afternoon. We had two very long pews and a bunch of mis-matched chairs to seat our congregants. They worked just fine, but we couldn't get the sanctuary seats turned the way we wanted and just threw our hands up and said we'd try another day. We left frustrated. The VERY NEXT morning, we received a tap on the door. The stranger asked if we could come to his church and pick up about 15 or 20 pews and use them in our church. His church was moving and they had tried to sell them, but no one was responding. He looked through the windows after driving by and saw our chairs. He wanted to GIVE us his church's pews! Needless to say, we picked up the pews and they look like they were made to fit our little church! God shows up at Gallatin CARES. Then, there was the day just a few weeks ago that I was humbly reminded to keep my focus before the day barely began. I arrived that morning and when I looked down, I had on my black canvas tennis shoes. Oops! I was wearing blue and was supposed to have slipped on my blue canvas tennis shoes. My TOMS are my favorite "go to" slip-on shoe and I own pairs in a few colors. They aren't the most supportive, but they are comfortable, and they also give back so I love the concept of the company. I momentarily got frustrated with myself about wearing the wrong color shoes but went on about my day. Within an hour, one of my friends from church walked in. He lives a couple of miles away and doesn't have a car. He walks to work, to the grocery, to church. He is in recovery - physically, mentally, and spiritually. My friend asked me for a PAIR OF SHOES. Turns out he has only one pair of tennis shoes. All the walking he does around town had worn his out and he just wanted a "new to him" but used pair of shoes. We walked across the street together to the Gallatin CARES Thrift Store to find a pair of shoes for my friend (he didn't even care what color they were). I wore my perfectly fine pair of shoes (that didn't match my outfit) as I walked alongside my friend. There aren't really words for that walk but it was indeed a humbling moment. God is showing up my friends, God is showing up. Have you seen God? Is the Creator in your neighbor's shoes? Where can you look for God today? |
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