As the only student on my recent learning journey who was not seeking ordination as a deacon or elder in the church, it caused me to go deeper and seek confirmation from God regarding my call.  I do remain confirmed in the path that I am taking, or that God has put before me.  The path I am on is a path that seeks to gain trust and connect with people both inside and outside the walls of the church by pursuing my Certification in Spiritual Formation.  Even after this journey with others on the ordination path, I feel confirmed as laity.  I feel called to help people seek and find peace in their life amidst the turmoil and distress of this life both inside of and outside of the walls of the church.

I am not called to be the church; I am called to the parts of the church.  I am called to help people find their hearts strangely warmed as John Wesley did when his experience with God went from a head experience to a heart experience at Aldersgate.  I am called to help us return to the roots of how this church was brought to America.  The irony here is that John Wesley was escaping church as he knew it to start a different kind of church.  He wanted to offer healing and wholeness to people through a personal relationship with God.  We must look at our history and realize that today we are the agents of change.  This means answering the call of connecting people to their relationship with God, not the church.  This was never the intent.  I am called to take it from head knowledge to heart knowledge. 

Ironically, I think my story and experience with God has been opposite of that of John Wesley.  I feel like I came to know God through my heart first and now God has called me to learn more about him with my head.  You see, both are important.  The way of salvation is to have God in our hearts.  Knowing God in our heads will not give us the kind of relationship we can have with God in our hearts.  I believe that knowing about God makes knowing God in your life even more meaningful.  Everything that happens in your life is Spiritual Formation.  Opening your eyes to see it as such is what makes all the difference.  I hope I can walk alongside that path with others whose eyes are being opened so they can too feel their hearts “strangely warmed”.  We must stop doing church and just be God’s church.  This may look like new ways of being the hands and feet of Christ.  It may look like self care, covenant groups, social justice, Sabbath time, missions, or worship.

As I was concluding these thoughts, the word “United” on the front of my hymnal jumped out at me in a new way.  We are United.  We are a United church.  The United Methodist Church is just the means in which I have chosen to accept and live out my faith.  It is not my identity because my identity is that of a child of God.  This time of learning was a reminder of why I have chosen to answer God’s call on my life to walk with people on their spiritual journeys.  It reminded me of the importance of community and of learning from our mistakes.  It gives me passion to rejuvenate God’s people in historical and ancient ways.  The connection is essential.  I look to our Lord for the hope to share that peace, for the Lord is the lover of my soul.

Jesus, lover of my soul,
Let me to Thy bosom fly,
While the nearer waters roll,
While the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Savior, hide,
Till the storm of life is past;
Safe into the haven guide;
Oh, receive my soul at last.

Other refuge have I none,
Hangs my helpless soul on Thee;
Leave, ah! leave me not alone,
Still support and comfort me.
All my trust on Thee is stayed,
All my help from Thee I bring;
Cover my defenseless head
With the shadow of Thy wing.

Wilt Thou not regard my call?
Wilt Thou not accept my prayer?
Lo! I sink, I faint, I fall--
Lo! on Thee I cast my care.
Reach me out Thy gracious hand!
While I of Thy strength receive,
Hoping against hope I stand,
Dying, and behold, I live.

Thou, O Christ, art all I want,
More than all in Thee I find;
Raise the fallen, cheer the faint,
Heal the sick, and lead the blind.
Just and holy is Thy Name,
Source of all true righteousness;
Thou art evermore the same,
Thou art full of truth and grace.

Plenteous grace with Thee is found,
Grace to cover all my sin;
Let the healing streams abound;
Make and keep me pure within.
Thou of life the fountain art,
Freely let me take of Thee;
Spring Thou up within my heart;
Rise to all eternity.

“Jesus, Lover of My Soul”

Charles Wesley, 1740

I have always had a love-love relationship with food.  And, for the girl who was raised to ponder if "Little Debbie" deserved her own food group, I have come a long way in learning to love "real" food.  But, chocolate is one thing I simply love.  These days I do have a deeper appreciation for food and the good (or not so good) it does for my body.  However, chocolate is something I will always love and the research that shows dark chocolate is good for you, gets lots of excitement from this girl!

Anyway, this weekend I had the opportunity to lead guided prayer, lectio divina (meditative scripture reading) and an introduction to a labyrinth walk at St. Mary's Retreat Center in Sewanee, Tennessee on a yoga retreat with my yoga instructor, Leighanne.  

It was wonderful to share these tools with others and give them new experiences during our time of retreat.  For some time now I have been in a stage of discernment. I have felt God's nudge to learn, study, and journey but now I am supposed to start putting all of this into practice.  I have been taking advanatage of opportunities that were placed in my path and really trying to listen to where I am supposed to be.  I know that I have a desire to share what I'm learning with others.  But, where, how, when, what?  One of my professors suggested recently that I ask God to "hurry up" and give me some clarity.  My time of discernment is coming to an end and it is time to start "doing" and not just talking about "doing".  I thought the idea of asking God to hurry up sounded a little silly.  But, this man is wise.  So, I've started doing just this and have begun asking God, "Where am I supposed to be?".

When we arrived on Friday, Leighanne brought along tea lights, some essential oils and a bag of Dove chocolates.  So, we planned to prepare the rooms for our guests with fresh scents and a sweet treat.  As Leighanne handed me a bag of chocolate to distribute, I immediatly placed one of the chocolates on each of our pillows then headed to the other rooms to complete my task (we couldn't be left out!). 

Later we enjoyed some wonderfully fresh dinner and I returned to my room for that chocolate for dessert before we started our evening yoga.  I opened the wrapper and much to my surprise, it said, "You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Love, Dove".  Wow, God.  Thanks for speaking to me through my favorite food and also greatest weakness (chocolate).  And, this message from "Dove" is even special since Exploring Peace is symbolized by a dove.  Who knew such beauty could come imprinted on aluminum foil?  This message seemed to be sent directly to me from above.

Yes, I must admit, I had more than one chocolate.  I also had messages that said things like, "Embrace your sense of adventure." and "Calories only count if you count them."  Both of those are true for me as well.  But, the chocolate on my pillow was meant for me that weekend.  It was a reminder for me and for you that "you are exactly where you are supposed to be".  

Maybe you are ready to transition to a new place but the place you are in at this moment holds something for you to savor.  Even the most desolate of places in our life holds something for us, doesn't it?  Where are you?  Where are you going?  Where are you supposed to be?  What is it you can learn from the place you are right now?  


Peace,
Whitney